


guiding star

by KathrynShadow, Lord Vitya (ProtoDan)



Category: League of Legends
Genre: (TECHNICALLY at least re: gs zed), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, M/M, Mutual Pining, Odyssey AU, Pining, Romance, Slow Burn, Trans Male Character, [nick fury voice] i recognize that riot has made a decision, but consider: i started this 2 months b4 the skin dropped so, cosmic horror, ur getting MY zed baybee
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2019-10-31 10:08:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17847407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KathrynShadow/pseuds/KathrynShadow, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProtoDan/pseuds/Lord%20Vitya
Summary: Concerning the rise and fall of Ordinal Shieda Kayn, the hardships of cultivating a secret love for the most powerful man in the universe... and the fatal lure of absolute power.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shieda has heard stories of how magnificent the ships of the Armada are, the towering meks guarding its corridors. For as long as he can remember, he's dreamed of seeing the Armada, and now...  
> Now he gets to walk its corridors himself.

 no·va /ˈnōvə/

 

_The sudden appearance of a bright, "new" star due to an interaction between two stars, that is much brighter than the stars involved._

* * *

 

 

_then_

 

A rainbow of light streaks past the viewport, casting Shieda's face in a pale glow. Slingspace shimmers in his wide eyes, his breath fogging the duraquartz. 

"How much farther, Father?" he asks, voice barely a whisper.

"I only just hailed the Armada to announce our proximity," says Father. "T-minus two hours before we can board. Think you can hold still that long?"

"Uh-huh." Shieda presses his face closer to the window until his nose squishes up into it. He could stay in slingspace forever, he thinks, as long as he can watch the colors. 

Father gives a quiet grunt, either of acknowledgment or doubt. It doesn't matter much to Shieda, who's been mesmerized by the light of space for the past six hours and shows no signs of getting bored of it any time soon. If he does, the sheer thrill of seeing the Locus Armada will surely overcome any boredom. 

He's come with Father to some military functions—generally, those that would otherwise necessitate Shieda being left alone for days at a time—but all of those had been on Demaxian-occupied planets, never on the Locus Armada itself. Shieda has heard stories of how magnificent the ships of the Armada are, the towering meks guarding its corridors. For as long as he can remember, he's dreamed of seeing the Armada, and now... 

Now he gets to walk its corridors himself. 

"Remember what I told you," Father says.

"I remember, Father," Shieda replies, glancing over his shoulder. Father is focused on the ship's controls, pulling out of slingspace to continue the rest of their trip manually. The stars coalesce back into a mass of glittering lights, the colors of slingspace fading into dots of pale blue and white. "Follow your lead. Don't speak to the Emperor. Or the Empress. Or the Prince. Or—"

"Anything else?" The smallest of smiles pulls at the corner of Father's mouth.

"Don't go running in the halls," Shieda continues, holding up his hand to count on his fingers. Father looks at him sidelong, his expression softening as Shieda lists more of the rules until he's run out of breath. "Did—did I miss any?"

Father shakes his head, returning his focus to the controls. Shieda jumps away from the side viewport, clambering up behind Father's seat to look out the front. He can see, up ahead, an absolute mass of ships, headed by the biggest craft Shieda has ever seen in his entire life. Even with all the stories he's heard, he never could have imagined a ship so big. 

"Wow," he breathes.

"Sit back down," Father says, reaching back to push at Shieda's shoulder. "It's could get rough while we pull in. I don't want the first thing we do when we get there to be taking you to the medbay for a split skull."

Shieda reluctantly goes back to his seat, strapping in as quickly as he can. It doesn't stop him from bouncing in his seat. Or leaning forward to try and see out the front viewport anyway. Father sighs, looking at Shieda over his shoulder, an absolutely unimpressed set to his eyes. Chided, Shieda sits back, tucking his knees up to his chest. (He still tries to look out the viewport.)

The descent into the landing bay is as smooth as anyone could hope for, because Father is very good at what he does. As soon as Father unfastens his restraints, Shieda jumps to his feet, stopped from bounding out of the ship only by Father’s hand on his shoulder. He presses his lips together and stands up as straight as he can. 

The ship’s boarding ramp lowers with a soft pneumatic hiss, letting a dazzling flood of light up into the entry bay. There are half a dozen uniformed guards waiting at the bottom of the ramp, standing at attention. It makes Shieda feel terribly important. They all bow at the waist as Shieda and Father walk between the two columns, which nearly takes Shieda's breath away. 

What _does_ take his breath away instead is the actual interior of the flagship. The walls gleam gold, with the most incredible meks Shieda's ever seen patrolling the corridors. Dignitaries from other worlds, other species, dressed in the most amazing clothes; other soldiers, Generals like Father, giving nods of respect as they pass. Shieda never wants to leave.

Father walks with confidence, head high, shoulders back. Shieda sucks in a breath and follows suit. He wants to live here, and to do that he needs to act like the people who do, all dignity and seriousness. The others passing them look down at him with barely-concealed smiles; he knows it's because they recognize how great he's going to be when he grows up. 

The path leads, eventually, to a pair of wide gilded doors, decorated with a geometric Demaxian crest across the center point. Father holds out a hand, and Shieda stays back to watch as Father approaches the control panel. A light turns on, blinking three times at the silver interface across Father's left eye, before a faint beep sounds and the doors slide open with a hiss. 

Beyond, Shieda can see some kind of office, with a gigantic console in the center, above which hovers a slowly spinning tri-dimensional space chart. To the side of it stands a serious-looking man, clothed all in black, with grey-white hair pulled back into a tight ponytail. He's not looking at the door, though—he's talking to someone Shieda can't see, with absolutely no animation to his body language. 

"—think the children need to be present, Marcus," he's saying. "Surely they can—ah. General." He stands at attention, inclining his head sharply in greeting. The light of the space chart glints off his gilded interface. He glances at Shieda, and the ghost of a smile pulls at the corner of his mouth. "Corporal."

Shieda puffs up his chest proudly, but says nothing in reply. He doesn't recall Father saying anything about speaking to the Emperor's Ordinals, but he's pretty sure he shouldn't be speaking directly to them, either. 

"Ordinal Swain," Father acknowledges, crossing the threshold and bowing at the waist. Shieda blinks, then quickly follows his lead. 

"You're early," says Ordinal Swain, not disapprovingly. 

"I trust I'm not interrupting?" Father asks as he straightens. 

Another man—another Ordinal, with flaming red hair pulled back tight to his scalp, steps forward. Shieda can’t remember his first name, but he knows he’s Ordinal du Couteau. He gives the same sharp nod, hands folded behind his back. "Not at all. We were simply discussing—"

Shieda doesn't hear whatever he says next. Like a cannon blast, something crashes into him, sending him right to the floor. Dazed, he tries to look at his attacker, but all he can see is a lump of person draped over him, a shock of red hair—oh.

"Hi, Shie," says Katarina, pushing herself up. She grins down at him, showing off a missing front tooth. “Papa didn’t say you were coming too.”

It’s hard to tell if she’s pleased or disappointed with the surprise. Shieda chooses to believe it’s the former. He tries to push her off so he can sit upright, but Katarina refuses to budge, and she’s bigger than him. “Father wanted to show me the Armada,” Shieda says, puffing up as much as he can manage with a whole person on top of him. 

“There’s a thought,” says Ordinal Swain. “Trouble?”

Katarina perks up, finally sitting up enough that Shieda can move. “Yes, Uncle Papa?”

“Why don’t you show your friend around the flagship? You seem to know all the shortcuts, after all,” Ordinal Swain says, giving Katarina a knowing look. 

Katarina beams. “Yessir, Uncle Papa,” she says, throwing up a salute. “C’mon, Shie, I’m gonna give you a tour!”

Shieda would love that if he could stand up. He shoves at her, giving her as hard a scowl as he can muster—which finally convinces her to get up. Katarina even sticks out an arm to help him get to his feet. It doesn’t work very well, and she almost falls over pulling him off the floor, but Shieda does eventually get to stand up again. 

“Can I, Father?” Shieda says, unable to mask the hope in his voice. 

Father raises an eyebrow. “If you can be back here in three hours—”

“I can get him back,” Katarina pipes up. “Promise.”

“Trouble...” Ordinal du Couteau gives her a stern look. 

Katarina seems completely unfazed. “I’ll give him a better tour later, Papa,” she says, putting an arm around Shieda’s shoulders and squeezing him to herself. 

Ordinal du Couteau and Ordinal Swain share a Look, one of those Looks that parents get, before Ordinal Swain shakes his head. Father crosses his arms, staring at Shieda expectantly. This time, Katarina doesn't speak up for him.

"I will be, Father," Shieda promises. 

Father's expression softens, if only a little. He tilts up his chin just slightly, and then jerks his head in the direction of the door. "Very well, then. Three hours."

"Thank you, Father!" Shieda manages to call out before Katarina yanks him out of the room by his wrist. He hears muffled laughter from behind the door when it closes after them.

The sentries in the corridor pay Shieda and Katarina little mind as Katarina drags him through the ship. She's telling him all about the things they pass, her mouth going at a light year per minute, and Shieda does his absolute best to drink it in. Down that way is the main audience chamber, which is where the Emperor lives. Over there is where all the nobility spend all their time, and over _there_ is the dining hall, which is definitely the best room on the whole ship. If they go through this set of corridors, they'll end up in the library. Shieda gasps, stopping dead in his tracks when they pass the threshold. 

It's _beautiful_. Shelves and shelves of data drives, with custodial meks hovering amongst the shelves to organize and retrieve the drives. Each section of the library glows neon from the identification tags on the drives' exposed sides, a mesmerizing rainbow of light that leave Shieda speechless and frozen with wonder. He's never seen such an enormous library in his whole life, never even imagined that one so big could exist. 

"I want to live here," he breathes. 

Katarina elbows him in the ribs. "Nerd," she says. 

Shieda sticks out his tongue at her. She grins, grabbing his arm and pulling him further in. He follows with a maladroit sort of hop, her yanking putting him off-balance. It's almost impossible to look around and watch where he's going, but Shieda tries anyway, determined not to miss a thing. He wants so badly to climb up the shelves, to pick a drive and just read for hours and hours until Father comes looking—

"Shie—!" is the only warning Shieda gets before he crashes into something very solid. A loud crash rings through the air. Time slows. Katarina yelps a bad word. Shieda falls down on his rear, a small stack of data drives falling to the floor after him. Above him, Katarina is still standing, eyes wide and mouth pinched shut. Next to her is a boy with clear blue eyes and long, dark hair, still holding out his hands like the data drives hadn't just crashed to the ground. 

 _Oh_ , Shieda thinks. 

The boy blinks, and then cracks a crooked, sheepish smile before reaching out a hand. With a gulp, Shieda grasps it, and the boy pulls him to his feet. He's a few inches taller than Shieda, and his grip on Shieda's wrist is strong. 

 _Oh_ , Shieda thinks again.

"Sorry about that," the boy says, rubbing at the back of his neck. "I couldn't see around all the..." He gestures to the scattered mess of data drives. "Oops."

Shieda shakes his head. "My bad," he says, suddenly unable to raise his voice above a mumble. 

"You're both klutzes," Katarina says cheerfully, and starts picking up the drives. She looks up at the boy, grinning toothily. "What're you doing here?" 

The boy pulls a face at her. "Reading, what's it look like?" He rolls his eyes, but crouches down to clean up too. "I was gonna take these back to my room. Father's busy all day, and I was getting bored..."

"Think you grabbed too much," Katarina says. She piles her stack onto the boy's, and flicks the tip of his nose. "Dork."

The boy sticks out his tongue. "Whatever." 

Shieda's just standing there awkwardly, like some kind of really dumb statue. Katarina sticks a hand up at him, which he stares at for a few seconds too long before actually grabbing it to help her up. The boy has his data drives in a neat tower now, which he scoops up before getting back to his feet again. He puts them on a nearby table, and then leans against the edge. He's smiling. Shieda's having a difficult time dealing with it.

"So," he says, "what're you doing here?" And then, almost as an afterthought: "Dweeb."

Katarina shoves the boy in the shoulder. "Giving Shieda a tour, dummy. He's never seen the Armada before."

"Really?" the boy says, looking at Shieda with a gleam in his eyes. "Can I come? I know some places you might not be able to get to."

Katarina and Shieda share a look. Shieda shrugs, unsure of what else to do. Words are hard. 

"Eh, sure," Katarina says. "Just don't slow us down. And you should probably put those away," she adds, with a gesture to the stack of drives.

"I can just take them back to my room," the boy says, hefting the tower into his arms again.

"Do you—" Shieda falters. "Can I help?" 

The boy's grin is wide and bright. He's missing a tooth at the corner of his smile. "Sure," he says, stretching out his arms so Shieda can take a few drives off the top. "Thanks."

"Mhmm." Shieda can say that much, at least. 

The boy takes the lead, walking with long, confident steps. Shieda finds himself entranced by his clothes, all bright colors and elaborate, shimmering embroidery. It's like the nobles he saw on the way in, but... fancier. Prettier. He doesn't realize he's staring until Katarina jabs him in the ribs again.

"You've got a cru-u-ush," she sing-whispers, her smile devilish.

"No I don't!" Shieda hisses, heat rising up his cheeks. He glances at the boy, horrified, but he doesn't seem to have heard. Thank gods. 

Katarina just grins in the absolute worst way possible. 

"Hey," the boy says, glancing over his shoulder. Shieda barely resists the urge to pull his tunic up over his whole face. "Can I be tour guide? I know all kinds of stuff. Probably more than you do, Kat."

"Ugh, I guess," Katarina says, but she's still smiling. "You're just gonna be a baby about it if I say no."

The boy wrinkles his nose. "I am not," he says. "Hey—Shieda, right? Is it okay if I do the tour guide thing?"

Shieda nods. "Yeah." If he sticks to single syllables, he won't look like a complete doofus in front of this boy that he does not have a crush on, because that would be dumb, even if this boy has really bright blue eyes and amazing clothes and hair and a big, friendly smile because Shieda doesn't even know his name. So it'd be dumb.

The boy's grin is as bright as a star cluster. "Thanks, Shieda."

He starts describing the same things Katarina had, but slower, with more detail. That way is the throne room, which took a year to build and has holo-portraits of every Emperor from the first dynasty up until now. Over there is the dining hall, and did you know that there are chefs from twelve different systems working in the kitchen? (Shieda didn't. He's hanging on every word.) Down that way is where the edge world diplomats stay, each room climate-controlled to suit the needs of different species. Once, an entire room had to be filled completely with Proto-Shuriman sand for a dignitary to burrow in.

"And over there—oh, wait, this is my room," the boy says, skidding to a stop. "Hang on."

The corridor here is so ornate as to be almost overwhelming. Holo-statues flank every door, looking down with stern faces. The door where the boy has stopped is enormous, bigger and more elaborate than the door to the office where Father had met with the Ordinals. Shieda's eyes go wide as the boy stands in front of the control panel, and the door slides silently open.

Beyond is the biggest bedroom Shieda's ever been in. The opposite wall is a floor-to-ceiling viewport, open to the stars. To the left, there's a huge mirror, with colorful drawings scattered over the wall around it. He watches as the boy goes to put his data drives on an actual wooden bedside table before sitting down on the tallest, plushest mattress in the whole universe. Katarina breaks into a sprint, leaping into the air and soaring right onto the bed with an impact hard enough to make the boy bounce. 

Snickering, the boy shoves at her. He looks at Shieda, beckoning him over with a quick inward sweep of his arm. "C'mon. It's comfy."

Shieda approaches slowly, feeling overwhelmed. He puts his stack of drives on the table too, before clambering up next to Katarina and the boy. There's a cluster of nervousness twisting at the bottom of his stomach. 

"I, uh," Shieda says, picking at his fingernail. "I don't think I got your name..."

The boy blinks, and his cheeks go slightly pink. "Oh, right, sorry." He runs his hand through his hair, glancing away with a bashful smile. "My name's Jarvan."

Shieda's entire stomach plummets into the floor. Through the floor, through however many decks are below them, and into the empty void of space. His mouth opens, and then immediately snaps shut. This is the Prince. The boy with the bright blue eyes and huge smile is the Prince. And he's not supposed to talk to the Prince. He's been talking to the Prince this whole time, oh gods—

"Are—are you okay, Shieda?" Jarvan asks.

Shieda shakes his head vigorously. He's not supposed to talk to the Prince he's not supposed to talk to the Prince he does not have a crush on the Prince because he's not supposed to talk to the Prince. Katarina shuffles forward, nose wrinkled.

"You're being weird," she says, reaching out to slap him. "Stop it."

Jarvan looks at Katarina, confusion pulling his eyebrows together. "Did I do something wrong?" he asks.

"Nah," Katarina says. She rolls her eyes. "Shieda's just a weirdo. What the klag are you doing, Shie?"

"That's a bad word!" Shieda gasps before he can stop himself. 

Katarina dissolves into a fit of giggles, but Jarvan still looks confused and a little worried. Shieda doesn't know how to explain that he's not supposed to talk to the Prince without actually talking to him. He looks desperately to Katarina, who's too busy laughing to notice him. 

"Do you need to go?" Jarvan asks, fidgeting. 

Shieda's face goes through about six expressions in as many seconds, all of them vaguely nauseated. He gives a weak shrug. 

Katarina finally sits up. "Your dad said what, three hours? It's been like, ten minutes, tops. I don't wanna go back yet," she groans, flopping back onto the bed and flailing her arms back. "Jarvan, tell him he doesn't have to go back yet. And that he's being dumb and weird."

Jarvan reaches over and pushes at Katarina's cheek, but she just rolls over. "Do you need a doctor? I could call someone. Father's physicians—"

Shieda shakes his head hard enough that his neck hurts. He doesn't need a doctor. He needs—he actually has no clue what he needs. His father, maybe? He needs to not speak, and he probably needs to leave. Leaning so far as to almost fall over, Shieda taps Katarina on the leg.

"Father says I can't talk to the royal family," he whispers. "Help."

Katarina sits up just enough to give him a slightly pained look. 

"Oh," says Jarvan. He sounds sad, and Shieda hates that. "Is that it?"

Shieda glances at Jarvan guiltily. He looks sad, too. It makes Shieda feel so terrible, deep in his gut, that he wants to throw up. He nods. 

Jarvan glances from Katarina and back to Shieda. "I don't mind you talking to me," he says, hopefully.

"Father says I can't," Shieda says again, and immediately puts a hand over his mouth. He hesitates, then pulls it off just long enough to add: "Your Highness," before slapping it back over his lips. 

"He's not here right now, doofus," Katarina points out. She puts a hand to her chest. "I won't tell him, promise."

Jarvan's expression brightens, and it makes something twinge in Shieda's chest. "I won't either," he says. "If you want to, I mean. Some people don't want to." 

And now Jarvan looks sad again. Shieda wonders how many other friends his age the Prince even has. Does he have any, other than Katarina? Is everyone else like Shieda—forbidden from even speaking to him? How lonely is that?

Shieda bites his lip. "Okay," he says, feeling terribly rebellious all of a sudden. 

Jarvan grins, showing off his missing tooth. "Really?"

"Yeah," Shieda says. He sits up a little straighter. "Yeah!"

Jarvan laughs, a quick, breathless kind of giggle. Shieda never thought princes giggled. He never thought princes gave tours to their subjects, or let their subjects use their beds for trampolines. He'd always imagined the royal family as being so terribly serious, like Father always is. Jarvan—Prince Jarvan—has such an easy smile, and he'd seemed so worried for Shieda when he went quiet. 

The Prince isn't all stern and solemn, or anything like how Shieda had ever pictured. He's kind, and friendly, and if meeting his eyes makes Shieda's heart do weird things, then that's fine, right? Nobody has to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to my coauthor and beta, KathrynShadow. <3 And, of course, huge thanks to you for reading! I welcome comments here or, if you wanna come talk to me on Tumblr, you can find me @ gayazrael!
> 
> ETA: Y ' A L L SHOUT OUT TO @ HOLLY-TEAA FOR DRAWING [THE CUTEST DAMN KIDS IN THE GALAXY OVER HERE](https://holly-teaa.tumblr.com/post/184830814516/inhale-exhale-b-a-b-e-y-s-fanfic-is-guiding-star)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Get. Up." Father draws the blankets away from Shieda's chin and crosses his arms. "I have a summons from the Emperor. We're leaving for the Armada in ten minutes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out this completely adorable [art](http://holly-teaa.tumblr.com/post/184830814516) for last chapter from @holly-teaa! Revel in how friggin' adorable these kiddos are!

It's another year before Shieda sees the Armada again. (Before he sees the Prince again.)

Father has been quiet for several weeks now, locked up in his office for hours and hours on end. Shieda barely sees him, even for meals; he takes ration bars into the office with him every so often, chides Shieda for not working on his studies, and then disappears again. Sometimes, Shieda can hear Father speaking from behind the door. When he tries to listen in, he hears terrible words—words like _murdered,_ _mutilated, dismembered_. Something about a spree of killings, each one more awful than the last.

Eventually, he stops listening.

Instead, Shieda buries himself in study. If he studies hard enough and does well, then he can become a soldier like Father, and spend time on the Armada. If he does very, very well, he might even have a chance to become an Ordinal, like Katarina's papa.

Shieda's seventh birthday passes. Father only comes out of his office to leave the station entirely. He doesn't say where he's going, only that the station's domestic meks will make sure Shieda eats enough.

He doesn't come back for three months. When he returns, Father looks worn and angry, but there's a glint of pride in his eyes. For a while, things are better. Father doesn't lock himself up for weeks on end, doesn't leave home without explanation. He doesn't talk much, but that's hardly a dramatic change.

Things are better. That's all that matters.

 

* * *

 

"Get up. We're leaving."

Shieda rubs the sleep from his eyes, squinting up at Father's silhouette. "Huh?"

"Get. Up." Father draws the blankets away from Shieda's chin and crosses his arms. "I have a summons from the Emperor. We're leaving for the Armada in ten minutes."

As Father turns to leave, Shieda glances at the chronometer mounted to the wall over his bed. He can't have been asleep for more than a few hours. And they're leaving in ten _minutes?_ He tries to blink his tiredness away, but it doesn't much help. Nor does getting out of bed, but he doesn't have much choice, does he?

Father didn't say how long they'd be away. Shieda looks at his wardrobe, and then to the open door. He sucks in a breath and starts packing what he can, with little care for what clothes he's actually taking. It'll be fine.

As if on a timer, Father comes back into the room ten minutes later. He grabs Shieda's elbow, pulling him through their home station's corridors and out the airlock. All without a sound. Shieda obediently straps himself into one of the back seats of the shuttle, glancing through the viewport every so often as if the black expanse of space will offer any answers to any of Shieda's questions.

The stars don't say anything, and neither does the darkness beyond.

Shieda can't say for sure when he fell asleep again, or for how long—only that, as Father undoes the restraints on his seat and pulls him out of the shuttle, it certainly was not enough. He stifles a yawn as Father guides him across the landing bay, clutching his belongings close to his chest. Gone is the thrill of exploring the Armada's maze of halls. Now, walking through the flagship's corridors, surrounded by austere guards in crisp uniforms, Shieda is only confused and afraid.

"What's going on?" he whispers, tugging at Father's sleeve.

" _Quiet_."

Shieda presses his lips together and nods. He walks as close to Father as he can, head down, and stays very quiet. When they reach the gilded double doors, Father jerks his hand away.

"Wait for me outside," he orders.

Shieda watches Father pass through the doors. He watches the doors close. He watches the sliver of light from the room beyond fade into nothing. The wall is cold against his back, his belongings growing heavy in his hands until he finally lets them fall to the floor. Slipping down the wall to sit on the ground, Shieda yawns. If he just closes his eyes for a moment, that's fine, right?

It's fine. It's... fine.

He's asleep in minutes.

 

* * *

 

A hand on his shoulder. "That hardly looks comfortable."

Shieda jerks back, heart pounding and eyes wide. In the seconds before his eyes adjust, he makes out a flash of gold and white, until the colors come together to form a face—sharp nose, pale hair, thin mouth pulled up in a smile. The hand on Shieda's shoulder withdraws as Ordinal Swain leans back.

"If you're waiting out here for the General, you'll be here a while yet." Ordinal Swain stands, his jaw tightening for a fraction of a second while he regains his balance. He reaches out once more, palm upturned. "Why don't we find somewhere a bit less solid for you to have your nap, hm?"

Shieda shakes his head, eyes wide. "Father said I have to wait outside," he whispers, as if by keeping his voice low he will have spoken to one of the Ordinals any less.

"Would you rather sleep on the floor?" asks Ordinal Swain, head tilted to one side.

Shieda's nose wrinkles. He forces his expression into neutrality—or at least, he tries to. Ordinal Swain's mouth quirks up. Fidgeting, Shieda looks at the floor instead, and slowly shakes his head.

"I can explain the situation to your father," Ordinal Swain says. He extends his hand further.

When Shieda takes it, Ordinal Swain's grip is startlingly strong. He pulls Shieda to his feet with apparent ease and pats him on the shoulder after. Shieda stares up at him, wide-eyed. From every story he'd eaten up after his first visit to the Armada, he'd imagined all the Emperor's Ordinals as being so much more serious, so much more focused on duty to the Empire—more so than to ever concern themselves with the troubles of little boys.

"Thank you," Shieda mumbles.

"Only doing my duty," Ordinal Swain says with a chuckle. "Does he always make you sleep on the floor?"

Shieda shakes his head. "But he's been... he's busy."

Ordinal Swain snorts derisively. It's the meanest sound Shieda's heard from him. "I hope you understand that's a pitiful excuse," he says. "If he responds to such things by neglecting his charge, he hardly deserves the promotion he's been grasping for. No one who can't keep a _child_ healthy and content should be granted command of an army."

"The what?" Shieda tilts his head.

Ordinal Swain regards Shieda in silence for several heartbeats, his visible eye narrowed slightly. Shieda hadn't noticed the faint gold glow of it until now. "Your father's secrets are his own business," he says eventually, though his voice is tinged with bitterness. "Until they become the Empire's, at least."

Shieda has no idea what that even means. He's afraid to ask. Ordinal Swain guides him down a series of winding corridors, stopping at a pair of plain doors, unadorned but for the Demaxian crest etched into the center of the right-hand side and the control panel next to it. The doors slide open as soon as Ordinal Swain steps in front of them, and he walks into the room beyond.

"Come along, then."

The room is sparsely decorated. A wide, black desk with a stiff-looking chair behind it; shelves lined with data drives along the leftmost wall; and a silvery dome-shaped cage in one corner, inside of which Shieda can barely make out some sort of brightly-feathered creature—the only real source of color in the whole place. Ordinal Swain crosses the room to the cage, lightly tapping at one of the bars with his fingertip. The thing inside chirps, lifting a head lined with half a dozen glowing red eyes, blinking in slow succession. It stretches out its neck, first sniffing and then nipping at Ordinal Swain's finger.

"You can pet her if you want," Ordinal Swain says, reaching into a hidden compartment under the cage to retrieve a scrap of what Shieda thinks might be meat. He tosses it into the cage, and the creature snaps it out of the air. "She only bites hard if I tell her to."

Shieda stands at the door, uncertain. Ordinal Swain looks at Sheida over his shoulder, his expression warm.

"Rest first, hm? Follow me, then."

Another door slides open across the way, too dark beyond for Shieda to make much out. He takes a few tentative steps towards it, glancing at Ordinal Swain for approval. Ordinal Swain beckons him closer, leading him in. As he crosses the threshold, a light blinks on, illuminating a simple, slim bed and another desk, this one smaller than the first.

"I'll be just outside," Ordinal Swain says, leaning his weight against the door frame. "I have a report to finish while your father argues with Marcus and His Majesty. If he comes to fetch you, I'll wake you." A smile crinkles his eye. "Sleep well."

The door closes, and Shieda is alone again. He steps up to the bed, making his way up to the top of it with some effort. Curling up on top of the blankets, Shieda closes his eyes as the light fades once more.

 

* * *

  

When he wakes this time, it's to quiet voices.

"—not a good klagging reason to pursue the rank." Ordinal Swain, his voice cold and angry.

"I know that just as well as you do, darling." Shieda can't recognize the other voice; it's feminine and smooth and, at least at the moment, calmly placating. "But it's a bit out of your hands at the moment."

Ordinal Swain lets out a noise of disgust. "I don't see why I can't simply be cleared to go back out into the field, rather than going through all this nonsense, when it's plain to anyone that this is all going to end in disaster one way or another. It's not as if I haven't sustained worse injuries than this before."

The other person sighs softly. "Darling..."

"Putting the man through the formality of exams is flagrant foolishness," Ordinal Swain continues, undeterred. "That last clusterklag of an outing more than proved that—not to mention how much of an obviously terrible idea it would be to honor his request for the next exam. He clearly seeks the office of Ordinal because he wishes to commit whatever acts he may at whim without any oversight, or else he craves power that is _far_ beyond his ken—"

"As you've said, darling." A soft sound, like a very light smack. "You trust the Emperor to do what's best, yes?"

A low grumble. Ordinal Swain says nothing.

"You trust the Emperor to do what's best," the other voice says again, more firmly, "and if the general doesn't have what it takes to make Ordinal, then he won't."

"This would all be a moot point if he would just let me back—"

" _Jericho._ "

For a few heartbeats, there's silence. And then a long sigh. "It's going to be a miracle if you don't kill me in my sleep after two weeks of retirement."

"Only a testament to how dearly I love you."

Shieda barely hears Ordinal Swain say something else, but he can't make out any words. Worrying his lower lip, Shieda climbs out of the bed, getting close enough to the door to put an ear to it.

Until it slides open.

Shieda yelps and falls to the floor in a heap. No one says anything. Slowly, Shieda pushes himself up on his elbows, looking up at the figures standing over him. Ordinal Swain looks more amused than anything, and the other—

The other one is him. Shieda stares, mouth agape, as the other Shieda grins at him. Shieda blinks. The other Shieda glances at Ordinal Swain, who shakes his head.

"The poor child's not going to have seen anyone do that, my dear." Ordinal Swain reaches out and lightly taps the other Shieda on the cheek. "Come on, now, before you give him a heart attack."

The other Shieda ripples, colors shifting across the skin like oil on water. He straightens—no, he _lengthens_ , until he's almost as tall as Ordinal Swain, and then he's—not. Instead, the second figure stands tall, body covered in a rainbow of iridescent scales. A pair of thick horns corkscrew out from either side of their head, between which twinkle a pair of huge, vivid green eyes, crinkled in a sharp-toothed smile.

“Shieda, meet my wife.” Ordinal Swain puts a hand on the scaled woman’s side, pulling her closer. “Evaine, this is the little finch I told you about."

"Hello, dear," Evaine says, kneeling down to Shieda's eye level. She reaches out a slender clawed hand, lightly cupping Shieda's cheek. "I hope we didn't wake you."

Shieda shakes his head, words caught in his throat. Ordinal Swain is right; he's never seen anything or anyone like her before, and the glimmer of her scales is nothing short of mesmerizing. He wants to touch, but he thinks, maybe, that would be rude.

"Shy little thing, isn't he?" Evaine asks, glancing at Ordinal Swain over her shoulder. She brushes Shieda's hair away from his forehead, shifting until she's sat cross-legged on the floor. She smiles, but the rows of sharp teeth don't do very much to put Shieda at ease.

"Your father hasn't come to fetch you," Ordinal Swain says, "so I thought it best not to wake you prematurely. Seems you needed the rest."

Shieda tries to hide his disappointment. It's not that he's terribly surprised that Father hasn't come back for him yet, but he had hoped.... "Thank you," he says, not wanting to be rude.

Evaine's expression softens. "Well, since he's awake now, maybe it would be good to remind his father that he has a little one to look after, hm?" She holds out her hand. "What do you think?"

Staying and sleeping for a while longer sounds wonderful—but he shouldn't take up their space for so long. Mutely, Shieda nods. He watches as Evaine stands, before reaching out to put his hand in hers. Her claws scrape lightly at his skin.

Evaine turns her smile on Ordinal Swain. "Coming, darling?"

Ordinal Swain raises his eyebrow. "Only to ensure you don't cause an incident, my dear," he says. It isn't until he moves to extend his elbow to his wife that Shieda really notices the unsteadiness in his gait. The thought of anything able to hurt an Ordinal that badly makes Shieda want to crawl under the covers again and never come out.

Shieda finds himself tucking himself close to Evaine as she guides him out the door. He doesn't know what Father is going to say about any of this; while he knows that there's little chance that Ordinal Swain will get in any kind of trouble for it, the same can hardly be said for himself. He should have stayed by the door, should have done what Father said—

An alarm screams through the corridor, piercing Shieda's hearing. He puts both hands over his ears, frantically looking around in wide-eyed horror as the lights flash a terrible red. "What's going on?" he cries.

"I don't know," says Ordinal Swain, his face hard and cold. "But I have a feeling." He touches a finger to his interface, jaw tilted up disdainfully. "Marcus. Brief me. What the klag is going on?" Shieda watches as Ordinal Swain's expression sours further, lips twisting in anger. "I see. You know, Marcus, I hate to say I told you so, and I hate even more so to tell His _Majesty_ —" He presses his lips into a thin line. "Yes, I was already on my way there when this, predictably, blew up in everyone's faces. You know, this would be a wonderful opportunity to put in a word with His Majesty to reinstate—oh, shut it, you old klag. Shall I bring—very well, then." He huffs out a breath, glaring down the corridor.

"Well?" Evaine says. "What's all this nonsense about?"

" _Desertion_ ," Ordinal Swain says, with such venom that Shieda shrinks back at it. He glances down at Shieda, his expression slowly softening into something like pity. "Come on, little finch. There are matters to be discussed that will require your input."

"What?" Shieda says, his voice thin and afraid in his own ears. "What's going on?" he says again.

Ordinal Swain looks to Evaine for a moment, a frown darkening his expression for a moment. She just shrugs. "Your father," Ordinal Swain replies slowly, "has apparently fled the Armada. I don't have many more details than that at the moment—only that I've been called to the Emperor's offices to discuss how to... deal with the issue."

All the blood leaves Shieda's face. "Are you going to—"

Ordinal Swain puts up a hand. "I don't yet know what the Emperor will decide," he says. "For the moment, my primary concern is your wellbeing in your father's absence. Understand?"

Shieda nods mutely. With some difficulty, Ordinal Swain crouches down in front of him, resting a hand on Shieda's shoulder.

"Everything will be all right," Ordinal Swain promises. "I'll see to that, trust me."

Evaine lets go of Shieda's hand to help her husband back to his feet, a hand braced across his chest to steady him. Ordinal Swain touches her cheek, the barest hint of a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth.

Eventually, the alarms stop, and the lights go back to normal. Shieda still tucks himself against Evaine as she and Ordinal Swain walk him back to the Emperor's offices. He tries to think through the panic, to figure out why any of this is happening. Why would Father desert? Why would he just _leave_ Shieda like this?

His vision blurs, his lip trembling. He can't cry. He won't cry. He's not going to cry because he's a big boy and big boys don't cry. Shieda bites down on his lip, keeping his eyes firmly locked on the floor.

Distantly, he hears footsteps coming up quickly down the hall, getting closer. Shieda doesn't look up. He presses closer to Evaine, not daring to breathe until—

"Where are you going, little prince?" Evaine's tone is of barely-restrained amusement. "Does His Majesty let you run around in the halls like this all the time?"

"Yes, ma'am—I mean, no, ma'am! I mean—yes?"

Shieda's heart catches in his throat. His head jerks up to see Prince Jarvan skidding to a halt a few meters away, with a face like he's just been caught stealing candy.

"I, uh, I need to go, though." Jarvan coughs. "I'm trying to—"

"Get _back_ here, you jerk!"

Jarvan goes pale. He looks over his shoulder, eyes wide. Shieda follows his gaze, squinting through still-stinging eyes until he sees a flash of red streak down the hall.

"You are the _worst_ klagging spy I've ever seen, you big, dumb—oh, crap." Katarina stops dead in her tracks, her face a mask of panic for a split second before it splits into a massive, gap-toothed grin. "Hi, Uncle Papa!"

Ordinal Swain lets out a slow, long-suffering sigh. "Hello, Trouble," he says. "What are you doing out here so late?"

Katarina points at Jarvan accusingly, but otherwise gives no explanation.

"I didn't do anything," Jarvan grumbles, slowly sidestepping away from her.

Ordinal Swain steps between them, arms crossed. Shieda cranes his neck to see around him, and Katarina's grin hasn't slipped. Out of the corner of his eye, Shieda sees Jarvan trying to sneak behind Ordinal Swain's back.

" _Katarina._ " Ordinal Swain's tone is so stern it makes Shieda jump a little.

Katarina seems unaffected. "Yes, Uncle Papa?"

"What are you doing."

"Well," Katarina says, her face scrunching up, "Jarvan told me he had a really good hiding spot to listen in on stuff in his dad's office, so we were doing that because he said there was something going on with Shieda's dad—"

" _Shutupyou'regonnagetmeintrouble!_ "

"—but _somebody_ couldn't keep his big stupid mouth shut and gave us away!" Katarina glowers at him. "So we got kicked out and I think there was some kind of ultra alert or something? Probably because Jarvan's _dumb._ "

"If you'd paid attention to the intercoms you'd know that's a bunch of crap," Jarvan mutters. He looks at Shieda with such overwhelming pity in his bright blue eyes that it makes Shieda want to cry again. "I'm sorry, Shie."

Shieda presses his lips together, blinking away the sting in his eyes. He isn't going to cry in front of the Prince he can't cry in front of the Prince he _won't._ Jarvan opens his mouth to speak again. Shieda crumbles, his whole body wracked with the full force of all his emotions. He wants so badly to hide somewhere, to crawl under something until this is all over, until Father comes back. Father will come back, he always has, he—he _has_ to, right? Except he's _deserted,_ and Shieda doesn't completely know what that means but he knows it's bad, and if someone like Father does something bad then the Ordinals will step in and—

Sobs, ugly and messy and wet and he shakes helplessly with them, until he feels a pair of thin arms fold around his shoulders.

"No no no, don't cry," Jarvan is murmuring, squeezing Shieda tight. "It's gonna be okay, promise."

Shieda lets out a pathetic hiccup. Slowly, hesitantly, he wraps his arms around Jarvan's ribs, trying so very hard not to cry on his clothes. It doesn't work; he can feel the fabric of Jarvan's shirt go damp with his tears, but Jarvan doesn't seem to care. He doesn't pull away or loosen his grip, just holds Shieda until the sobs subside, until Shieda realizes he's holding on just for the sake of holding on.

Is he allowed to hug the Prince? Nothing bad happened because he _talked_ to Jarvan, but the only person who knew about that was Katarina. Shieda twists a little, looking up at Ordinal Swain nervously. There's no disapproval there, just the ghost of a smile. Shieda buries his face in Jarvan's shirt again.

(He smells nice.)

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks, as ever, to my wonderful beta and coauthor KathrynShadow—and thanks to YOU for reading! As always, I welcome comments here on AO3 and over on Tumblr, @gayazrael. <3


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